Fleeing the Enemy’s Grasp: A Postpartum Depression & Anxiety Story

From the moment I found out I was pregnant in August of 2024, I did what I’ve always done: prepare. With a type A personality, I approached motherhood like anything else: with lists, research, and structure. I spent hours studying the best baby products, developmental milestones, labor and delivery methods, and organizing the nursery to perfection.

However, when I gave birth to my baby girl on May 7, 2025, my world flipped upside down.

I had always wanted to be a mother from a young age. I assumed that it would come naturally to me. That couldn’t have been further from the truth.

In the hours after the birth of my baby girl, I experienced physical complications. I lost a significant amount of blood, nearly needing a transfusion. I was weak, anemic, and trying to comprehend this monumental change.
In the days following her birth, I began to notice that I would black out when someone would speak to me. I couldn’t comprehend what they were saying, nor could I form a complete thought. I heard ringing in my ears constantly and couldn’t focus on anything. I attributed this to the anemia and kept going.

My symptoms began to get worse- headaches, convulsively shaking, and still blacking out. A friend who is a nurse checked my blood pressure, and we quickly realized something was wrong. We decided to go back to labor and delivery, where upon arrival, my blood pressure spiked to 185/120. I was admitted for a magnesium drip for 12 hours, followed by a 24 hours observation

That is when the anxiety began to take hold.

I couldn’t rest. I felt incapable of caring for my daughter. My husband became the primary caregiver while I tried to recover. I was prescribed antidepressants following my discharge from the hospital, but emotionally, I was unraveling. I felt detached from reality. I feared that the early distance between me and my daughter would damage our bond permanently.

Each time I fed, changed, or held her, panic overtook me. The enemy saw this opportunity and moved in with lies: “You’re an unfit mom” ,“Anyone can care for this baby better than you can”, “They’re better off without you.” The thoughts of ending it all crept in and wouldn’t go away no matter how hard I tried to think about anything else.

I had never experienced anything like this in my life and immediately recognized that something was wrong. I felt so much shame, which made me afraid to get help at first, but I knew I needed to better myself to be the best mom I could be. We made the decision for me to admit myself to a psychiatric facility for treatment.

That was my rock bottom. I had never felt so lonely, defeated, or low in my entire life. I was absolutely terrified of the thoughts that were playing on a loop in my head.

Three years into my walk with Christ, I had never faced much difficulty. Daily minor inconveniences, sure, but never anything this heavy that brought me to my knees and begged

God to free me from a situation. Before this battle, I had never doubted God’s presence, but I now found myself constantly saying, “God, where are you? Why are you allowing this to happen to me?”

Postpartum depression and anxiety are often fueled by hormonal shifts and stress, but satan took full advantage of my vulnerability. I realized that no amount of medicine or therapy would bring complete freedom without spiritual healing.

I talked to God all day long. Hit my knees constantly. It wasn’t until I fully surrendered everything to Him-my fear, my shame, my control-that I began to see a change. You can ask for God to free you of something all day long, whether it be a difficult situation or sin, but He cannot work in your life until you allow Him to.

I started doing hard things: caring for my baby solo, taking short drives, pushing through anxiety to reclaim what I thought I had lost. To most, these seem like small everyday tasks. But when you’re clawing your way out of darkness, those small victories are everything.

With each step, God was drawing me closer. I was reminded that healing is not instant, but it is possible. Today, almost three months later, I still face anxiety, but I fully believe that I am the best mother for my baby. Perhaps even better than I would’ve been without walking through this storm. I thank God everyday for things I once took for granted: “Thank you, Lord, for the confidence to feed her without fear. Thank you, God, for reminding me that I am enough.” This trial revealed how disconnected I had become with Him, but it also brought me into a deeper, more authentic faith.

While this is a postpartum story, there are takeaways for everyone who finds themself in a deep dark valley:

• ●  The Lord can hear you even when you don’t have the words. “In the same way the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with inexpressible groanings. And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the spirit, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27

• ●  Even when you feel far from God, are questioning His presence, and feel that you can only hear the lies of the enemy, the Holy Spirit is with you. Psalm 34:18 says that “The Lord is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit.”

• ●  The enemy is going to spit lies at you when he is afraid of you and your potential. Ephesians 6:12-13: “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.”

  According to Postpartum Depression.Org, “One recent study found that 1 in 7 women may experience postpartum depression in the year after giving birth. With approximately 4 million live births occurring annually in the United States, this equates to almost 600,000 postpartum depression diagnoses.

You are not alone. There is no reason to feel shame. If you feel that you may be exhibiting symptoms of PPD or PPA, contact your healthcare provider or text 1-833-TLC-MAMA to talk to the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline.